Understanding Separation Anxiety in Dogs: A Gentle Supporting Guide

Dogs can show separation anxiety in all sorts of ways, and none of them feel like “just a phase” when you’re living through it. 

Some will whine the moment the door closes. Others pace, scratch, or completely shut down. And when the behaviour comes from grief — like losing a lifelong companion or suddenly being rehomed — it hits even harder, because the signs look the same but the support they need is different.

We’ve seen both ends of it in our home. A senior Staffy grieving the loss of his son. Two pups bonded so tightly they spiralled the moment they were separated. 

In each case, the behaviour wasn’t stubbornness or attention-seeking. It was part fear of the unknown, part loss, and in one instance, grief.

If you’re dealing with this right now, you’re in the right place. With gentle steps, predictable routines, and an understanding of what your dog is feeling, things can get easier — for them and for you.

Below, I’ll walk you through the approaches that genuinely helped our dogs, backed by the behavioural guidance of experts like Patricia McConnell and Malena DeMartini (both authors who specialise in separation anxiety and emotional dependence), along with advice shared by Dr. Lori Teller, a clinical veterinarian and professor at Texas A&M University.

Let’s start by looking at what separation anxiety actually looks like, and how you can begin easing it one calm step at a time.

What Separation Anxiety Really Looks Like

Dogs show separation anxiety in different ways, and it doesn’t always look dramatic at first. 

Sometimes it’s a soft whine behind the door — the kind neighbours hear and instantly know the house is empty. Other times it’s restlessness, pacing, or full emotional shutdown. 

The signs can vary, but the feeling behind them is the same: they’re struggling to cope.

Common Signs You Might Notice

Every dog expresses anxiety differently, but these are the behaviours most owners see:

Vocalisation — whining, howling, barking, or quiet cries

Some dogs simply cannot settle when you’re gone. You may have heard this with other dogs on your street — a steady whine that tells everyone the house is empty except for a worried dog.

Pacing or restlessness — circling, shaking, or following you like a shadow

Staffies are notorious for this. They’re brilliant, affectionate “Velcro dogs,” and you feel it most when they glue themselves to you before you leave. Mine follow me from room to room and can’t be in the garden when I’m mowing.

Destructive behaviour — chewing door frames, scratching walls, ripping cushions

This isn’t naughtiness, spite, or “acting out.” Chewing is a self-soothing behaviour that needs redirection. For anxious dogs, it helps release tension they don’t know what to do with.

Drooling, panting, or trembling even in a cool room

Shaking is a big one. When a dog who would usually greet you with a lick suddenly cowers and trembles, there’s something amiss. That shift — from warm and confident to worried and withdrawn — is one of the clearest signs their anxiety has tipped past normal concern.  

Accidents indoors

Fear can override toilet training.
Our senior, as he aged, had little leaks when he got excited — especially when guests came around. And then, when he thought he’d be in trouble, he’d wee a little more from anxiety. It’s not about training; it’s emotion.

Escaping or attempting to escape

Scratching at doors, pushing through gates, or trying to break out of crates.
One of our Staffies years ago (the boy with the suspected neurological issue) learned to open a safety gate with his nose. When we upgraded to a stronger design he couldn’t lift, he head-butted it until the metal rails bent. Not misbehaviour — panic mixed with confusion.

Loss of appetite or refusing even their favourite treats

This is a big red flag. An anxious dog often won’t touch food.

Normal Distress vs Real Anxiety

A bit of whining or checking the door is normal. Many dogs do that until they learn the routine.

But real anxiety is something else entirely.

When we had two Staffy pups who were being raised together, we kept them together for a bit too long before they were split.

When one of the boys moved to his new home, he didn’t cope at all — he completely shut down. Little interest in the people around him, barely any interest in his favourite treat. It was obvious how deeply the separation affected him.

After seeing how much he struggled, we all agreed it wasn’t in his best interest to stay apart. That’s why the decision was made for us to raise the two together — and the change in both of them once reunited confirmed it was the right call.

Recognising these signs early is one of the best things you can do. It lets you support your dog before the anxiety builds into something much harder for them to cope with. 

Why Some Dogs Struggle With Being Alone

Some dogs can be left alone without much fuss. Others find it genuinely overwhelming, and it’s rarely because of spoiling or “bad habits.” 

Dogs are individuals, and their ability to cope with separation comes down to temperament, past experiences, life changes, and sometimes pure emotion.

Understanding why your dog struggles makes it much easier to choose the right approach — and stops you trying solutions that don’t fit what they’re actually feeling.

Strong Bonds & Emotional Neediness

Staffies are famous for their big hearts and bigger attachments. They’re people-dogs through and through, and many thrive on physical closeness. When a dog like that suddenly finds themselves alone, the shift can feel enormous.

Some will whine a little and settle. Others become restless the moment your routine changes — especially if they’ve grown used to constant company. Staffies don’t hide their emotions well, and honestly, that’s part of their charm.

Past Trauma or Unstable Beginnings

Rescue dogs, or dogs who’ve been rehomed more than once, can associate being alone with uncertainty. Even one bad experience — a long, stressful period alone or a sudden change in environment — can shape how they handle future separations.

And sometimes the trigger is subtle. Dogs link patterns together far more than individual moments, so what looks “out of the blue” often isn’t.

Age-Related Factors

Puppies

Young dogs naturally struggle with independence. Their confidence is still developing, and being alone is a brand-new concept. Without gentle early practice, some pups grow into adults who panic every time the house falls silent.

Senior Dogs

Older dogs can develop separation anxiety later in life.
Changes in vision, hearing, comfort, or cognitive function can all make them clingier or more confused when routines shift. 

Our senior Staffy became much more dependent in his final years — not out of neediness, but because the world likely felt a little less predictable to him.

Losing a Bonded Companion

This is one many owners underestimate.

When a bonded companion passes away or even moves to a new home, the dog left behind can feel the loss deeply. The behaviour often could like separation anxiety — pacing, clinginess, appetite changes, restlessness — but the emotion underneath is grief.

This kind of anxiety needs time, stability, and gentle consistency rather than strict training.

When It Isn’t Separation Anxiety

Not every difficult behaviour comes from fear of being alone. Sometimes the cause is much simpler:

• boredom
• lack of stimulation
• adapting to a new home
• confinement intolerance (fine when free-roaming, panicked when crated)

True separation anxiety is emotion-driven, not convenience-driven. The aim isn’t to label every issue as Separation Anxiety — it’s to understand what your dog is actually struggling with, so the support you give genuinely reduces fear instead of adding to it.

How to Help Your Dog Feel Safe When You Leave

Easing separation anxiety is all about small, predictable steps that help your dog feel safer each time you leave the house.

Things like calm departures, short practice absences, and creating a familiar resting space can all make a big difference.

Some dogs relax with gentle desensitisation to your “leaving cues” (like keys or coats), others benefit from structured alone-time practice, and some need tweaks to their daily routine so they’re not left alone for too long.

A bit of extra mental stimulation, a steadier routine, or a comforting scent can all help too.

And for dogs who continue to struggle — especially if their anxiety seems extreme or sudden — it’s worth checking in with a qualified behaviourist or your vet to rule out underlying medical issues.

Pain, thyroid problems, neurological conditions, or sensory decline can all influence a dog’s ability to cope when left alone.

You might see trainers describe these techniques as “behaviour modification.” It just means using small, predictable changes to help your dog form calmer associations around being left alone.

I’ve put together a 7-step strategy that’s worked for us, along with methods recommended by behaviour experts.

👉 How to Reduce Dog Anxiety When Left Alone

Daily separations are manageable with training and gentle practice.

But there’s another kind of separation that training alone can’t fix — when a dog loses a companion they were deeply bonded with.

When a Dog Loses a Bonded Companion

Perhaps the most heart-breaking kind of anxiety is the one you witness even when you’re right there with them. Many dogs struggle just as deeply when another dog they’ve been bonded to suddenly isn’t there anymore. And the same is true for rescues who arrive at a shelter after losing their person.

This is grief-driven anxiety, and dogs feel that loss far more deeply than most people realise.

Understanding Grief in Dogs

When a dog loses a companion, their whole world shifts. The house sounds different. Beds feel emptier. Their usual routines lose their shape. Some dogs become clingier; others withdraw into themselves.

When it happened with ours, this is the behaviour changes we saw:

• changes in appetite
• restless pacing or nighttime wandering
• following you more than usual
• sleeping more
• ignoring toys or usual play
• quiet whining or searching behaviour

Years back, when our youngest Staffy — the son to our senior — crossed the rainbow bridge, the change in our older boy was immediate. He slept more, moved around far less, left his toys untouched, and ate only small amounts. 

Nights were the hardest; he would pace quietly or settle for a moment and then wander again, unsure of what to do with himself.

For a while, we moved his bed into our room. He still wasn’t allowed on our bed — that boundary stayed the same — but having his own bed close by would give him company and a sense of safety.

Supporting a Grieving Dog

The best support for a grieving dog is steady comfort without overwhelming them.
Keeping routines familiar helps ground them when everything else feels different:

• consistent meal times (or food bowl and placement if they’re free-fed)
• predictable walks
• familiar sleep spaces
• calm, quiet evenings

Offer comfort, but balance it with small moments of independence so their confidence doesn’t fade. Even gentle invitations — a slow sniffy walk, a few minutes in the garden, a soft stroke before bed — help them reconnect at their own pace.

Avoid major changes unless necessary. During grief, stability is its own kind of support.

Considering Another Dog

For a dog that’s spent years never alone, always having a companion there, there may be a temptation to fill a void. Sometimes this helps, but not always. Think about:

• whether your dog feels settled enough
• age, energy, and temperament compatibility
• your own emotional readiness

A new dog should be a thoughtful addition — not a rushed attempt to fill the space left behind. Every dog has their own quirks and character, and no companion can truly be replaced. 

A new dog is a new story, and it needs the right moment to begin. 

A Final Word of Reassurance

Separation anxiety can feel overwhelming when you’re in the middle of it.

The pacing, the crying, the changes in behaviour — the helplessness on your side and the uncertainty on theirs — it wears you both down. But with small steps, steady routines, and a compassionate approach, things really do get easier.

Dogs don’t learn to cope through pressure or “tough love.” They learn through feeling safe, supported, and gradually more confident with each passing day. 

Whether your dog is struggling because of a deep attachment, a difficult past, or the loss of a companion, the principle stays the same: patience and understanding go a very long way.

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to help your dog take one calm step at a time.

If you’ve been through separation anxiety before — or you’re in the thick of it right now — feel free to share your experiences or questions in the comments below. Your story might be the reassurance someone needs.